November 01, 2006

Death to Daylight Savings Time

Whoever invented the concept of Daylight Savings Time never had small kids. 5:30 this morning my daughter woke me up. 5:15 yesterday morning. 5:20 the morning before.

And trying to talk to her about it doesn't do any good. Have you ever tried to reason with an eighteen month-old? Trying to explain the concept of daylight savings time to an eighteen-month-old is like trying to explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity to a duck. 

 
Technorati Tags: Daylight+Savings+Time, Toddlers 

06:54 Posted in Fatherhood | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

March 10, 2006

And Now, A Word From Grace

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VCFFFFF Cpijonbfk Fuhfuh Q398HP9IUHFIEUHU73R 08U[R0UOHILEG 9RFH 9HDFIUDIGFIDG IUHED IPFUHIDFHIDUH IFUH IPUFHE9F 9PUHFIJDH9F8YE9UHFIEJHRIU4WGF 7 97YR9HEIUFHIESUHFDHFKDH9P7Y4T EH9 8 8E 8EG9OI HP9TY9RUFHVCOIjk medk! JFBIEUBHDF!

Translation: "People must learn to respect each other. We must fight the wars, hatred, and injustices around us! It cannot go on. Also, when my mom and dad change my diaper and give me a bath, they are wasting my time. Seriously!"

16:05 Posted in Culture, Current Events, Fatherhood, General, Humor | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

March 09, 2006

Anniversary Date Night

My folks have been visiting us for the last few days and they're here until Saturday. And since Monday is our (the wife and I) fourth wedding anniversary and Friday is close to it with a free babysitter, the wife and I are going out for our anniversary early. We're very excited about this! We're going to go to a really nice restaurant, go to Barnes and Noble - our favorite place - since we rarely ever get to enjoy ourselves there now. And then, we are going to do something we haven't done together in almost a year: we are going to go to a real live motion picture at the movie theater! I am so excited! Imagine a film buff not being able to go to a film on the big screen! It should almost be a crime!

I have no idea what we're going to see yet, but I'm really psyched. That alone is a wonderful anniversary gift. I still don't know how we'll be able to talk about anything besides the baby. That will be the mystery.

21:05 Posted in Fatherhood, Leisure, Random | Permalink | Comments (3) | Email this

February 22, 2006

I Broke the Routine!

A couple of nights ago, I did something kind of stupid. My daughter woke up in the middle of the night crying. The wife and I typically take turns getting up in the night and tending to her, and tonight it was my turn. The baby has been "night-bottle"-free now for several weeks and ordinarily, her middle-of-the-night cry is usually stiffled by repositioning her on her back in the bed, placing her blanket back over her and putting her pacifier back in her mouth.

And so on that particular night, I went through the mental checklist:

Reposition baby: Check!
Blanket: Check!
Pacifier: Check!

And she's still crying. She probably was hurting (she's in the wonderful phase of teething), but it was 3:30 AM so of course, after the checklist is finished, I have no earthly idea what to do next! Why couldn't this have been the wife's night? I thought.

So, I decided right then and there to change her diaper. She must be wet, I thought. Why else would she still be crying?

I consciously am aware that when a child sometimes has difficulty sleeping (or staying asleep) through the night, you shouldn't change her diaper in the middle of the night because it wakes her up completely and triggers her need for a middle-of-the-night bottle. Most diapers can wait until morning. But because I'm an idiot, I completely ignore this logic. And the results turned out as one might expect. Suddenly, she remembers, "Hey! I forgot how good that middle-of-the-night bottle was! How did I ever survive without it??"

Ahhh! I broke the routine! And now, every night for the last three nights, she's been waking up at 4:00 AM every night wanting her "middle-of-the-night" bottle (hereby referred to as MOTN Bottle). Now, we're going through the whole process of winging her off the MOTN bottle all over again. (4 oz for 3 nights, 3 oz for 3 nights, 2 oz for 3 nights, and we're SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!)

Well, as you can imagine, when my wife wakes up for "her turn" at the 4 AM thing, she glances over and just glares at me like, "YOU! You HAD to change her diaper that night, didn't you?? You are such a moron!" And I in turn roll over and pray that the screaming monster in the next room will have mercy on us.

But, ah, sadly, the screaming creature shows no mercy!

10:50 Posted in Fatherhood | Permalink | Comments (4) | Email this

January 14, 2006

Blue's Clues: It's Oddly Entertaining

So, one day I sat down with my daughter and pressed the big "TiVo" button, which makes her excited because when the green TiVo character comes onto the screen, she knows what time of the day it is: "BLUE'S CLUES TIME!"

Yes, like many babies and preschool children, my daughter loves the cartoon blue dog, the ultra-friendly and seemingly rediculously ignorant host Joe, and the simple and bright colors and animation.

And it was about ten minutes into the kiddie show when I came to a horrifying realization: my seven-month old daughter was turned around completely away from the television and in her own little world, and I had been sitting on the couch, completely fascinated by the "Blue's Clues" episode on the screen. My daughter couldn't have cared less what Blue and Joe were learning about that day ("Shapes"), and I was captivated by my new favorite morning TV show.

That was six weeks ago.

And yet, every day, I look forward to sitting down with a glass of tea, holding my daughter and watching our "friends" who converse back and forth with us from the television! Wow, sometimes I feel like they're talking...DIRECTLY TO ME!

And I'm learning - I mean "my daughter" is learning - all kinds of interesting things about life! How to be a "shape searcher," how to find interesting things to do when "waiting in line." I even learn - I mean "she" even learns - about all kinds of interesting cultural events and I realize, "Haunikah is COOL! Why don't WE celebrate that?? Do you HAVE to be Jewish?? Maybe WE should have a Haunikah party!"

Thinking about all this, I'm sure there must be some sort of meaningful metaphor about life in all of this. Perhaps "Blue's Clues" is giving me an interesting way of projecting my inner child. Or perhaps it's watching the simplicity of the pre-school show that makes one realize that maybe we have so much complications to our lives and it's really not making our lives or our world any better. Maybe if life were simpler, we would get along better. Maybe we would have less wars, maybe we'd learn to share. Maybe we'd all celebrate Haunikah!

Of course, all of that stuff I'll have to figure out later. I don't have time right now. "Dora the Explorer" is about to start.

14:45 Posted in Fatherhood | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

September 06, 2005

I'm an Imperfect Father!

So yesterday, the Mrs. and I decided to go to an office building we have access to and get online. To preface the following, you must understand that we are currently living in a small town in West Florida and high-speed internet is a rarity. They do have DSL, but it is much more like 56K as compared to the 28K dial-up modem at the house. God, I miss the city! (That day will return before the end of the year) Still, 56K DSL sure beats 28K dialup, if you know what I mean.

I'm online, doing my Monster.com job search and looking for apartments and homes in Springfield, MO. And as I am typing, I happened to drop a pen on the floor. As I reached down to get the pen, I bumped my head on the desk. I used some second-rate slang to point out my frustration to my wife who really wishes I weren't such a darned drama queen. "Oh, crap!" I muttered as I lifted my head.

And then I saw her.

My little girl, three and-a-half months old, just looking at me with those adorable eyes. Fascinated with her daddy, and all of the brilliance and sophistication that comes from "Oh, crap!"

And the thought came, She's watching you. Little eyes and ears watching and listening to every little thing you say and do. Even at three and-a-half months.

Suddenly, I became all too aware of my humanity. It was one of those moments where I surreally and horrifyingly realize, Good Lord, I'm a father!

Followed by more drama queen thoughts such as, How am I supposed to get this child to adulthood in one piece?

And then I realized, I'm going to be a great dad!

That's right. If my daughter wants a dad who is perfect and who never makes mistakes, then she was born into the wrong family. If, on the other hand, she wants a dad who will be understanding to her mistakes (and I pray I remember these words thirteen years from now if she comes home with a tattoo or belly-button ring - actually, those things will probably be obsolete when she's fourteen. It'll probably be something like a portion of skin chopped off by that time. "Hey, Dad, check out the nub where my pinky toe used to be! All the kids are doing it!"), then she came to the right place.

In the future, I'm sure those will be great moments to sit her down and say, "I'm sorry, Grace, that your daddy overreacted in a situation that wasn't really a big deal." Wow, what power of an apology. In ways like this, she learns that we all act "all too human" at times and that's okay if we own up to it. Grace's dad isn't perfect, and neither is she.

I think, even in my overreacting moments and the moments I could beat myself up, I am realizing I really have it pretty good. My daughter is lucky to have a mom and dad who are "very much human." Besides, I remember I could have said far worse things with little eyes and ears watching and listening. Things could always be worse.

But they're not. I'm an imperfect father! And my daughter is lucky to have me!

Excuse me, I've suddenly become Stuart Smalley. I don't know what came over me. Oh, crap!

08:55 Posted in Fatherhood | Permalink | Comments (3) | Email this