March 10, 2006

And Now, A Word From Grace

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Translation: "People must learn to respect each other. We must fight the wars, hatred, and injustices around us! It cannot go on. Also, when my mom and dad change my diaper and give me a bath, they are wasting my time. Seriously!"

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The Simpsons in Real Time

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March 09, 2006

All About the Marketing

I know I'm a helpless Apple dreamer, but I thought this was hilarious. I found this video on Jeremy's site.

One look at the following video will prove just how different Microsoft and Apple are in marketing techniques.

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September 21, 2005

I'm Running for President

I have decided to run for President of the United States of America in 2016. And not because I have a chance of winning or anything. I'm going to do this because the way I figure it, when you become a contender for the Presidency, you can then get any job you ever want.

Think of how that looks next to Home Depot on your resume. FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE.

Looks nice, doesn't it?

Can you imagine that coming up at a job interview? "Well, Mr. Thompson, it says here you worked for 7-Eleven...and you don't have experience in running one of Mr. Trump's companies...but, ah, what the heck, you ran for President! We'll see you Monday!"

Yes, folks, on 2016, my life will change forever. You can go ahead and begin contributing to the Thompson Campaign. I'll even sign T-Shirts.

15:42 Posted in Humor | Permalink | Comments (4) | Email this

August 25, 2005

I'm a Failed Blogger

I’ve never been popular in my whole life. I think there must be something inside me that didn’t get enough attention as a kid or something because I seem to find myself looking for it all the time. I think about some of the career paths I have walked down: I’ve been a musician, a pastor (who gets to get on a platform and talk to people – getting attention), I’ve been a stand-up comedian (here, there’s a real pressure to get people to like you because if they don’t, they let you know fast). I even started “blogging” because a lot of great bloggers are out there and they seem to know how to type just the right things to get lots and lots of feedback. Heck, I figured I’d tried everything else, why not see if I get some feedback, too.

And you know what I found out? Blogging is frackin’ hard! [1] And what is the whole point of a blog? To get comments. Yes, it is! You know good and well that to write things that you have to simply “get off your chest,” you could simply write in a diary or a journal (by journal, I mean, the “book,” not the “webjournal”). You could even type it on your computer and save it away in your “My Documents/Private Diary of 2 am Thoughts.” Nobody would ever have to see it. But, you don’t. Why? Because we have something inside us that wants people to give a crap! We don’t want our thoughts to remain silent. Especially controversial thoughts. Why? Maybe because controversial thoughts gain ATTENTION! And with attention comes what? More feedback. And I am no different. Musician. Artist. Comedian. Pastor (Actually, I should use the word “Preacher” here instead of pastor.). And now, Blogger. The only difference is that nobody reads my blogs. Well, if they do, they rarely comment on them.

I got fired because I blogged. I wanted attention. I got attention all right. And you know what? I still blog! Why? Because I'm an idiot? No, because I figure somewhere out there, somebody might just care enough about what I’m saying that they’ll comment back. Maybe even get a whole revolution of blogs going. Who knows? Maybe I could be one of those “Expert Bloggers” – you know who you are, if you are even reading this - that draws conversations and big dialogues over at my blog because I’m just cool enough to get people’s attention.Only I’m not cool enough.

And I've commented on other blogs. My, oh my, how I have commented and "prostituted" myself all over the blogosphere. Who cares, I guess. Some guys (and gals) are really popular. They can write, "I had an orange today," and they still receive thirty-five comments ("Hey, Me too!" - by JoeBlogg, among thirty-four others saying, "Hey, I love oranges!"). Adam Cleaveland is a popular frackin' guy [2] (and a good blogger - love your thoughts, Adam, if you do happen to be reading.). Nothing for me, though. Sadly, I actually make up my own comments and put fake names on them just so if by some chance somebody comes along and reads it, they’ll think, “This guy must be cool. He must be popular. People are commenting on his.” Sadly, I have done this before.

I’m a failed blogger. I could hang my head in shame and bow out gracefully. But, I will probably continue to post these random thoughts because somehow, it means something to me. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow, somebody will see it and the whole “Emerging Pilgrim Blog Revolution” begins. And if not, maybe I’ll just take it on the road. Time once again to hit the Comedy Clubs. At least there if I don’t get laughs, I’ll get some food out of the deal.

[1] Since I'm not a habitual "cusser," I sometimes like to make up my own expletives just to make things interesting and accent my point. When I do it in comedy clubs, it usually kills, although it probably confuses some people. In that case, I'm probably a failed comedian, too!
[2] Personal rule: never use more than 2 of the same made-up expletives in the same post or routine.

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