August 07, 2008

How 1,000 Rocks and a Sonic Drive-In Changed My Life

Several months ago, I heard a talk given by renowned financial counselor and teacher Lee Brower. In the talk, Mr. Brower brought out a rock and told a story about this simple stone and the awakening he experienced as a result of it. In his story, he had been dealing with stresses in his family and relationships, and came across this stone on the edge of a beach on the California coast. With a dark marking on it resembling a butterfly, the image reminded him of his daughter (who had been going through a rough time). Brower said that he was challenged to focus on the good things of his life whenever he touched the rock. He went on to talk about how his life has changed since learning how to appreciate the blessings of his life with the reminder of this “gratitude rock.”

I was so moved by this story that I decided to take up this practice myself. While not constantly thinking about them, I would occasionally notice rocks along the ground while at the park with my daughter, pick them up and think of my own blessings before either losing them or tossing them back.

While I remembered to count my blessings upon glancing at a rock from time to time, however, my life hadn’t changed significantly, though I found I did have a typically better outlook.

Recently, I had been dealing with some stresses of my own. My car had broken down a couple of times and had cost me more than I was prepared to pay for. There were some family struggles, and yesterday, it all began to eat at me. Now understand, I typically regard myself as a generally positive person. I believe in the power of our thoughts and beliefs, and I try to surround myself with positive people, music, thoughts, and ideas. Still, on this day, I was really racking my brain trying to replace the stressful thoughts that had taken some wind out of me.

I turned up the music, tried to read from one of my favorite authors, but I just couldn’t shake these stressful images from my mind. Finally, I got up, stepped outside, and decided to take a walk. While I still couldn’t shut off the stressful thoughts, the fresh air did help.

My walk led me to a Sonic Drive-In Restaurant a few blocks away, where I sat at the outdoor table and ordered a half-price soda.

As I sat, waiting, I turned my head and noticed a neatly maintained portion of landscape. And right there, beginning at my feet and filling the landscape were thousands of – you guessed it – rocks.

And in that moment, my world stopped. I was speechless. Suddenly, brown, black, and grey pebbles were staring me in the face, seeming to call out to me. And I froze; aware that suddenly, these weren’t just rocks anymore.

God had sent me a message. And I was receiving it loud and clear.

A thousand rocks in an ordinary piece of landscape suddenly represented a thousand amazing blessings and gifts in my life. It occurred to me just how wealthy and lucky I am. A half-dozen Sonic customers undoubtedly watched with curiosity as I sifted through dull and boring rocks, analyzing each one and tossing it back.

Instantly, my day began to change. I now had an inescapable smile planted on my face, and I knew two things: I was one of the most blessed human beings on earth, and that everything in the future would ultimately be all right. As I walked back to my office, sipping my drink, I held onto my “lucky souvenir” and thanked God for all of the blessings in my world.

And interestingly enough, when I arrived back at the office, many of the previously unfixable circumstances I had been worried about were already working themselves out. It happened that quickly.

If you haven’t read Lee Brower’s story of the Gratitude Rock, I highly encourage you to do so. And if you haven’t done so now, find a rock of your own and rediscover the amazing life you’re already living.

I’m wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, and I’ve got the rocks to prove it.

11:40 Posted in Life Strategies | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this | Tags: gratitude, thankful, life strategy

July 30, 2008

Death of a People-Pleaser

I am a people-pleaser. There. I've said it. It's out.

In an age of political correctness where wife-beating can be called a disease and total jerks can blame their rage on their mothers for not breast-feeding them enough, I have finally figured out what's wrong with me. In what I've always thought was an effort to be the nice guy, I have often kept my mouth shut when I probably should have voiced my opinions, thoughts, and concerns. I have often let people get away with walking all over me because "surely, they didn't mean that the way it came out." And I have typically felt knots of guilt and regret curl in my stomach at the mere thought of having to say "No" to somebody or to let someone down due to my own inconvenience.

These, I have always thought, were random acts of kindness. I was brought up with this seemingly noble idea that to deny anyone a favor for the mere reason of meeting my own goals instead was selfish. This may have simply been the way I perceived it, though somehow, I did perceive it as the "Christian thing to do." If you were brought up in a church or religious group like me, you probably heard sermon after sermon about "turning the other cheek" or "blessed are the peacemakers." Scriptural phrases like these are often taken out of the cultural context for which they were intended and thrown about, giving parishioners the misguided and, frankly, unbiblical idea that to not stand up for yourself is somehow noble and spiritual.

And so, for almost all of my life, I have been the nice guy. In high school, jocks would treat their girlfriends like dirt under their toes and then trust me to "talk them up" when the ladies dumped them. And rather than confess my own feelings for those ladies (with what I thought was my own heart of gold and perfect intentions), I would lie and try to help them see the jerky-jocks' point of view.

Are you wincing yet?

Again, these were what I considered to be selfless motivations. Random acts of kindness.

So why, then, have I spent much of my life living out other people's desires for me when they seem to just go on living their own lives the way they want to? Why, then, have I so often held my tongue when someone took advantage of me and, rather than feel noble and inner-peaceful, wanted to push them into the street and run over them with my car?

(Don't you just love honesty?)

I have finally discovered the name for people like me. People-pleasers. We are the ones who are passed over for promotions day after day, are horrified by anyone who might confront us about anything, and will let others cut in line or push us out of the way because "they probably had a bad day."

While you might expect people-pleasers to be these peaceful saints of the universe, these seemingly selfless Zen monks are not actually living for the satisfaction of giving it all away. No, the two things that usually motivate people-pleasers into their sad forms of action are a fear of rejection, and a desperate need for acceptance. Man alive, am I being honest today!

When kids grow up, they learn, among other things, that they have certain weaknesses as well as strengths. From my own experience, it often seems as though most of my peers, while never achieving anything particularly great or useful, grew out of the insecurities of adolescence and grew up to not really care if their road to survival offended someone else. This is probably a gross generalization and is very likely a dramatic conclusion. After all, most of the people I went to high school with are doing the same things their parents did (or something very similar), or aren't doing anything at all.

Yet, still, it seems that I missed something significant, because these are the same people who continually cut me off in traffic, ask me to work their shifts because they're going to the midnight screening of "Cannonball Run 2" or some other stupid reason. And I forever seem destined to accept their selfish requests. And they forever seem destined to know it.

The world has no respect for people-pleasers, and people-pleasers have no respect for themselves. This is, of course, unless they begin to wake up and realize that their need for approval is really pointless. After all, giving a jerk what he/she wants won't make him/her like you any better. You won't make a vegetarian out of a lion by throwing tofu at him.

I have recently decided to kill off the people-pleaser inside of me. This post will probably have a slight Stuart Smalley feel to it, but that's okay.

I don't yet know if this experience of a newly realized self-awareness without the need for affirmations of others will be like heroin withdrawal or whether it will play out like a baptismal conversion, instantly life-changing. What I do know is that everyone starts from somewhere, and this is my new beginning.

So, if you are a people-pleaser like me, stop. Stop worrying about the morons around you who are only asking you to do something because they know exactly how you'll respond. Take your life back and begin to set up life on your own terms. Use the God-given gifts inside of you and don't let any opposing word stop you or set you back. Just keep moving forward.

And for the love of God, don't tell anyone, unless it's in a blog like this one.

19:23 Posted in Life Strategies | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

September 02, 2007

Lessons From a Dumb Dog

So sorry I haven't blogged in so long. I am trying to get back in the swing of it. Here are some thoughts on persistence.

My dog Angel is really stupid. She's got a list of problems: she's unsocialized (though we've tried), she's stubborn, and she's stupid. She can't have much brain space, she's three years old and weighs two-and-a-half pounds. It's as big as she'll ever get.

But, Angel has one thing going for her. She's persistent. Man alive is she persistent! Every night, she does the same thing: she goes into the kitchen where her dog bowls are and she gives off this short "ARF" in a syncopated rhythm every six seconds. (She has plenty of food and water, but she's picky and only really likes the "bits" out of the Kibbles and Bits.) For a while, she's easy to ignore, but after a good ten minutes of this or longer - especially as there are conversations going on at the time - I usually get so annoyed with her that I give her exactly what she wants.

Angel, my stupid dog, has challenged me about the thought of persistence. There is never a thought in her head that tells her to give up, to stop her course. It never occurs to her to stop trying to get what she wants. It's occured to me plenty in life.

How many times have I given up on something because I thought the door wasn't opening or that it "probably wouldn't work out?" It pains me to think of how many things I've missed out on - some perhaps small and some perhaps very, very big - because I've quit when things looked rocky or even hopeless. Had I the small smarts of a Yorkie-Poo with Kibbles-and-Bits on the brain, I wonder if I might have just gotten the things I claimed to want.

Angel may not have a lot going for her in the way of intelligence, but she has persistence. That's for sure. So, note to self: heed the wise advice from a stupid dog.

23:25 Posted in Life Strategies, Pets | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this | Tags: Yorkie-Poo, pets, persistence, life strategies